Feelings of Despair and Hope
by Frenzied Nerves
Summary: Rated PG for some language. *SOME SPOILERS* A few POVs from the characters of Trigun following the main fight at the end of Trigun. R&R please :) *INCOMPLETE*
1. Brother...(Knives POV)

Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun…..damn it…  
  
***Again I was really bored when I wrote this. I have writer`s block on a couple of my longer stories and this is what comes out. I think that it speaks well for Knives.  
  
  
  
Brother….  
  
How could you?  
  
You`re my brother! Vash, why?!  
  
I thought that brothers did not shoot eachother. I thought that we had an understanding. I thought that you, of the two of us, would not do this.  
  
That woman…that bitch! She`s the reason you fell away from me and what was right in the first place! She lied to you and you loved her for it! You listened to her fantasy visions of a perfect world for humans to live in! Spiders! They will always be spiders! They will feast away at anything and everything until they have to find another planet to ruin! They destroyed their own world, Vash! Why should they be permitted to enjoy another where they will ultimately repeat their fate!  
  
We are superior to them! Can`t you see that?!  
  
It hurts! It hurts, Vash! I see my blood…my own blood! I remember when you shot me a long time ago. Another stupid argument about humans! Don`t you remember that?! You shot me then you took my gun away! I remember the look in your eyes. You looked scared. Why? Why were you scared? You act as if I shot you or something. Hell no! You shot me! I`m the one who was betrayed!  
  
…Your face looks the same now as I look at it through my fading vision. You have your gun pointed right at me now. Déjà vu.  
  
…You dropped the gun…why did you drop the gun?! I don`t understand! Why don`t you finish what you started with me?  
  
Maybe…maybe I do deserve to die. Maybe…no! You`re not right, brother! You`re wrong! You will always be wrong! Humans are the ones who deserve to die! These stupid spiders…they infect every world! Can`t you see that?! Why can`t you see that?  
  
They use us. They need us to power their cities. They use us like we are nothing…then we eventually die without having a real purpose. We die, Vash! We cannot waste away as these stupid humans` power source! It wastes our energy and prolongs our suffering! No more! I can`t take anymore!  
  
That pain is back. It left for a moment but it`s coming back. Don`t you care at all that I can`t stand pain? Did you ever stop and think about what you were doing?  
  
No. You don`t care about me. If you did you would have listened to me in the first place.  
  
Why are you looking at me that way, Vash?! You took off the red coat, I see. Hmph! That stupid woman`s favorite color! I can`t see where you threw it. Good riddance anyways.  
  
Why are you picking me up? I don`t want to live anymore! Finish me off! Why can`t you understand?! I don`t want to live among them…among the spiders….  
  
I can`t believe that you`re taking me to your humans. I`ll make you pay for this dearly. Look at those females that you consider friends. I saw them for a second but now my vison is fading. Why do you feel like you must be around them? They`re only human! They are not our species!  
  
I should kill them. I should kill them so you will be hurt. I should kill them as I killed Rem.  
  
Rem…that stupid woman. Even her name is too perfect. She poisons your mind still. Must I always be the only one to think about what she was doing to you?  
  
You call out to those girls. They sound frightened. Ha! My name should frighten them! All the better for me…but…maybe…maybe I am being unreasonsable here. Maybe I should let them live until I discover just what you see in them. Yes…  
  
Until then…I need a rest.  
  
  
  
***Yes. Short but this POV is short. I am planning on doing a Vash POV and a Meryl POV as she thinks about what may be going on. If you have any suggestions for another POV to add please let me know. Thanks. 


	2. I`m Sorry (Vash POV)

Disclaimer: Trigun? Mine? Are you kidding?!  
  
****I am writing this as I speak. To some people: This is something that I made up of what they may have thought in their head. Don`t try and act as if I`m doing this all wrong. You can`t go by some expression that they had in the anime or manga. This MADE UP!!!  
  
  
  
I`m Sorry  
  
I shot you. I`m sorry, Knives. I had to. You were a danger to me and a danger to them.  
  
If I let you win then you would`ve continued hurting people. I cannot allow that to happen. I can`t allow you to go on hurting others. I care about them. I care about humans.  
  
I still don`t really understand why you wanted to hurt them so bad. What made you crave to do such things? I know that you wanted to hurt me in the process but why through them? I know that you feel superior and all…but that`s no excuse. There is not excuse for doing such things.  
  
Don`t get me wrong here. I care about you a lot. You`re my brother. I`ll always care about you. Why else wouldn`t I kill you?  
  
Yeah. I know that I made a promise to Rem a long time ago to not kill anyone. That probably hurt you to, didn`t it? I always did whatever she did. I ignored you, didn`t I? You felt left out…and alone. I`m sorry. I`m so sorry that I did that. I just wish now that I had taken the time to notice that. I should have invited you along. I left you out. Maybe that`s why you wanted to hurt me…  
  
It doesn`t excuse the fact that you killed her and the others on that ship. I…I just can`t grasp what possessed you to do that. Why didn`t you tell me that you were planning that? I thought that we…here I go again. I keep letting myself forget that we not all that close.  
  
Please don`t look at me like that! I don`t like that look. You look betrayed. Defeated. Defeated physically and mentally. Don`t give up on me though. I plan to try and make up what we lost. I want to show you that humans are not all bad as you must think that they are.  
  
Hell…maybe you can learn to live with them…maybe that`s saying too much. All I want for you to do is try and understand where I`m coming from here. What`s so bad about sharing a world with them? You`re still superior, aren`t you?  
  
No! Not that look again! Look…I`ve been thinking. I know that you hurt me but we can forget all of that when you recover. We can have a clean slate again. We can be the brothers that we should have been before. We`ll forget about Legato and all of the Gun-Ho Guns, Alright?...I guess that we should discuss this when you wake up….if you wake up.  
  
I shouldn`t be thinking like this, should I? You probably would be laughing at me and telling me that the humans…er people made me this way.  
  
You know what? Maybe they did. Maybe they did make me more emotional. I like this feeling. I like it a lot. Didn`t you feel pain when I shot you?...I`m sorry. I`ll tell you how sorry I am when you wake up.  
  
You`re kinda heavy! Maybe I should have brought a car along or something. That would have been easier. It would have made this a lot easier.  
  
It`s just a few miles now. I can`t wait to see their faces. Speaking of Meryl and Millie I think that you`ll like them. I really do. You`ll probably get along well with Meryl. She has anger management problems too. Millie might get on your nerves a little but she means well. I promise that they won`t hurt you.  
  
I promise that you will feel safe. You just need to give me…give all of use a chance. We can be a family together. I`m not saying that we should be all buddy-buddy the first day. I`m saying that over time you`ll see what I see in them.  
  
You`ll see what I see in all humans. I`ll help you, of curse. What are brothers for except to be there for one another?  
  
I can see the town from here, Knives! I can see it!  
  
You`ll understand. I know it….but there is one thing that you have to realize: If you threaten them in any way then…then I might have to go back on my word to Rem. I`ll do it. You wouldn`t believe me but I`d do it. I`d do it for them.  
  
I see them! They notice me! They were waiting for me! See, Knives? They`re good! I`ll make you see that, Knives! I`ll make you see it….  
  
  
  
***Vash is a little different from Knives. I could see Vash thinking constantly of forgiving Knives so long as he reforms and going from topic to topic about being a family and how people are good once you give them a chance. Anyways…what do you think? Prettyg good maybe? 


	3. If he should stay evil...(Meryl POV)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Trigun  
  
***Thank you people who reviewed! : ) This will probably be the last POV. I have other stories that I have to work on.  
  
  
  
If he should stay evil…  
  
  
  
Where are you, Vash? I can`t believe that you just walked away from us…from me. You walked away with hardly a goodbye. I don`t understand. I wanted you to stay here with me,  
  
Yeah…I know that I can be a pain in the butt sometimes. I`m sorry. I really am. Things just get on my nerves a lot. I can`t tell you why. I really don`t know myself. I want to sit down and talk things over with you. Maybe that`s what I need…for you to be serious for just a few minutes. Why do you always have to be such a…there I go again. Sorry.  
  
I guess if I saw it from your eyes I would go after my brother too. He does have to be stopped…but why couldn`t you have stayed here where it`s safe?...It isn`t safe, is it Vash? He`d come after you here.  
  
Is that why you wanted us to stay away? You didn`t really blame yourself, did you? Did you think that Knives would make us his next targets? Vash…I wish that I had thought of this sooner. I`m so sorry…but you have to realize that it wouldn`t matter what the reason is. I`ll follow you to the ends of the earth because…because I care about you a lot.  
  
There. I admitted it. Yes. I care about you. I care about Vash the Stampede. I really can`t understand why…yes I can. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I even love all of the stupid things that you do. I don`t really care too much for you hitting on all of those girls but that`s who you are…so I must love that too no matter how odd that sounds. I love the way that you smell. I love how you dress.  
  
I should stop. This is making me so depressed. I know that you don`t want to love someone because you think that everyone who is around you will die. How can you blame yourself for anything that`s happened? That incident in July was all Knives` fault. He`s the reason that you are Vash the Stampede. He made you who you are now. He branded you as a killer. You`re blamed for everything.  
  
I hate him, Vash. I loathe him. I loathe him for making you feel so much pain. How can you act like anything was your fault. You know what? The reasons that things bad happen around you is his fault too. You tried so hard to be loved by others and you still do. He made you suffer for his own ideals. He made you suffer, Vash. He makes us all suffer.  
  
I`m sorry. I shouldn`t think such horrible things about him. He is your brother…and that scares me. What if you bring him back alive…if you live at all? What if he turns on us and starts out again? What if he goes after us? Can you really bring yourself to take that risk? No. It won`t be your fault but you`ll blame yourself again.  
  
I don`t know what to think anymore. All of these thoughts about Knives…Knives. What a horrible name for probably a very handsome man. He is your twin, after all. I`ve never seen him but I can guess. Knives…how could someone have named him that? I remember what you said about your past. I can understand his viewpoints…but not the killing of innocents. What went wrong? I still don`t understand how anyone around others who truly cared about him could turn into such a heartless thing.  
  
Vash…I`m sorry that you were given such horrible odds. I keep apologizing…like you do. Heh…it`s almost funny. I`m picking up things from you now.  
  
I don`t like that you`re away from me even if you do not feel the same way about me. I wonder sometimes though…do I really matter that much to you at all? Sometimes I think that I am only a burden to you that you constantly hope will leave. I feel wonderful around you…but at the same time terrible that I am capable of being used against you.  
  
Maybe I should leave with Millie. She needs someone there for her. She misses Wolfwood so much. I wish that he was here right now for her. I know that she mourns for him every night. Yeah…we could go and you would be free. I can`t yell at you and Millie won`t make you feel sad. We`d be gone. You would be busy with Knives if he is alive…then again…you may need our help.  
  
I`m being selfish. I need to think things through first. I have to be here when you get back…if you get back. I need to be there to assure you that someone cares if you live or die. I`ll stay here and I`ll wait for you. I`ll wait for you and Knives.  
  
I know that you won`t kill him I just know it…wait. I think that I see you coming now…yes! Where`s the red coat?...Knives…that has to be Knives that you`re carrying. I missed you so much, Vash! I can`t wait until I can hug you.  
  
One more thing that I must do though: If Knives does plan on hurting others…I can`t promise that I will not kill him myself. If he goes after you or Millie or anyone else I will.  
  
I won`t think about that now though. I`m just so happy that you`re okay…  
  
  
  
***The meaning of the title should make sense at the end. I think that Meryl would be thinking about Vash and what would happen if his brother came back. In my mind I could see Meryl making that promise to herself. I think that she has it in her to keep because she cares so much for Vash and Millie. Anyways…I think that this is all unless someone asks for a Millie POV. I need to have it requested though. 


End file.
